Friday, June 20, 2003

"... [chews]..."
112 hours without smoking. And amazingly: 0 temper tantrums, 0 anxiety attacks, 0 moments when I wanted to fling myself against a brick wall for the love of a cigarette... Much to the amazement of everyone including and especially myself, I've been leaping out of bed, bright-eyed and feeling fabulous and doing yoga in the evenings, sleeping like a log at night and cooking and eating very sensibly. I've been smoking for (wait for it... ) seven years and in all that time, I've not managed to go without for any prolonged period of time. Seven years of not even considering breaking away from it all, seven years without even making an effort to try. Well...I'm trying now. It's still a novelty, so I'm sticking to it, and enjoying NOT smoking.

The gum works a treat, btw. I hadn't realised how much I had cut down in my smoking until I invested in a box of the lowest strength nicotine gum... and found myself tripped off my nuts after two pieces. It is very curious stuff, powerful and quite repellent - I only chew it now when I really need a hit, so can probably come off the gum soon too. And then I will be a non-smoker. How very... extraordinary.

Would I be evil and wrong and defeatist if I crack and have one on a Friday night in the pub? Just one? Or would it be a sensible and fair way to learn how to live as a non-smoker who gets tempted like anyone else at times and otherwise has no interest in the filthy habit?

Either way, life is indeed changing. Oh yes. Updates to come...

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