"...Your ideas are like snowflakes - if you try to grab them too quickly, too harshly they'll crumble. And each idea is unique, beautiful. Yes, that's right! Beautiful and unique, just like a snowflake!"So, this Saturday I was once again in work, this time for a training day on how to run creative "ideas" meetings. The whole team stumbled in, blinking in the bright, crisp sunshine that was lending a dazzling Spring-like air to the..air. We stood around, embarrassedly wolfing down the free coffee and croissants, making excruciatingly mind-numbing small talk with the training course leaders and tried to look enthusiastic. An appearance by David Brent, Gareth and/or anyone else from The Office was anticipated in every agonising silence throughout the day.
Despite the nice sandwiches and salads at lunch and the chance to get some sun when having a fag outside, the day was pretty fucking awful. We sat and ground our teeth through frickin' hours of nonsense like the opening quote to this entry and then went surging on to cover:
The Discount Revenge Cycle
The Intent-Effect Gap
The Person in the Pit
Steps for Giving Itemised Responses
How to Share Intention and Win Commitment
The Risk/Pay Off Matrix
The Comfort Rating
How to Drive the Team Apart on a Staff Bonding Day by Making Them Hold a Fake Meeting Where Everyone Gets the Chance to Make Thinly Veiled Snide Comments About One Another with Ample Opportunities to Breed More Contempt.
One staff member came back after lunch, moved his chair into a sunbeam, took off his shoes and fell asleep. He had to be woken up and asked to leave.
The whole thing was so horrific, I had to harass good ole August Dangerlove for food and shelter until the cringe-worthy shadows of The Office-style staff-training day had worn off. Thanks, August D!
How were *your* weekends, dear readers?