"We could tape this and sell it and create a fortune and never have to work here again!"[Int. main doorway to office, blinding hot sunshine and the white hot concrete of the car park fills the view. Pan back to include full kitchen area. Colleagues 1, 2 and 3 (all female in short skirts and very small vest tops) stand with Hypatia by the fridge.]
Hypatia: Fuck me, it's so hot today. I spilt some water on the stairs outside and I swear I heard it sizzle.
Colleague 2: Ooh, I wonder if there's any ice in the freezer?
[Colleague 2 throws open freezer; zoom in on full ice cube tray.]
Colleague 1: Ooh...
[Colleague 1 grabs ice cube tray and knocks out two ice cubes; the rest copy her]
Colleague 3: Oh god, that feels good. [She starts rubbing the ice on her upper arms. Colleague 2, 3 and Hypatia copy her.]
Hypatia: Ahhh... that's just absolutely lovely...
Colleague 1: Hmmm... oh, yes...
Colleague 2: Very nice, very nice...
Colleague 3: Could you rub some on my back?
Colleague 2: I'll try but your skin is all slick and moist.
Hypatia: It's really nice sliding these ice cubes up and down my inner thigh... have you tried that yet?
Colleague 1: Mmmm... that's good, I like the way I can feel the cool ice water dripping down across the back of my knee.
Colleague 2: Ooh, look, you're all wet...
[Cut to exterior shot through doorway, framing these four women running ice cubes all over their hot bodies. Enter Colleague 4 into shot, male, mopping his brow. He pauses, stops and stares at the scene.]
Hypatia: Hello Colleague 4, do you want some ice to rub across your chest?
Colleague 4: [Silence]
Hypatia: Colleague 4, are you alright? It's very hot today isn't it?
Colleague 1: Have some ice, we've just put some on ourselves and it feels really good.
Colleague 3: Really, really good.
Colleague 2: Yes, it can really lift a day like this when you make yourself all moist and cool.
Colleague 4: [Faints.]
:: sigh :: This hot weather is making the most mundane and unending day at work go a bit funny. And you know what? I live in a basement, I work in a basement, I travel by underground all the time... I cannot bear this unrelenting, remorseless, merciless heat, I cannot... it's driving me and everyone around me totally nuts...
In other news, I'm off to Lyme Regis for the weekend! Woo! Not London! Huzzah!