Hypatia Avenue

"Look at her! Dancing away! She's dancing so hard, her arse will get big!"

Last night, after dinner, before the prototype birthday cake was unveiled, I'm sittign with my mother at the table, having a chat about my aunt and uncle who are visiting the UK from HK and the over-exposure of us all to aunt, uncle, their son, his wife (the least loved relative of all) and their little girl. The following is a translation from Cantonese.

Me: So our cousin's little girl is getting big now.. she must be almost 3 years old.
Mother: Oh, yes, definitely, she's chatting away and running about and I'll tell you what, she knows when she's being cute - your aunt was watching her, saying "Look! Look at her trying to get our attention, she just can't stop!" and she was right, there she was, this little girl, all cute and small, standing near the door and dancing... like this...

[gets up from the dinner table and starts wiggling her behind, gurning and doing a weird half-birdie song, half-Macarena dance.. thing]

Me: Wow. Now that's dancing.
Mother: Yes! You see! You see, this is what she was doing, getting us all to look at her, doing this...

[more gurning and more emphasis on the arm actions, now bordering on Dangerous as well as Hilarious]

Me: Umm...
Mother: And your aunt said "Look at her! Dancing away! She's dancing so hard, her arse will get big!"
Me: [Silence. Complete and utter, baffled, incredulous silence]
Mother: [Still "dancing"] She'll be a right slag when she grows up.
Me: I'm going home.