Monday, July 04, 2005

Films I Would Like to See Made #1 -6

Sticky Trumpet
Hot Tartan (courtesy of Taxloss)
Wet Gumdrop
Goat-Licking Go-Go-Girls
Inappropriate Chapatti
Baboon Frenzy

Family Recipes That Should Have Your Children Taken By The Authorities #1: Australian Fairy Bread
Pour hundreds and thousands onto a plate. Butter some bread. Cut into triangles or any shapes that you like. Then press the bread butter-side down into the hundreds and thousands making sure the buttered surface is covered with the sweets. Serve.

Then serve time in prison for gross negligence. Using wholemeal bread does not make this a "healthy option" treat; do not expect your sentence to be lessened. Use of margerine and unusually shaped cookie cutters to make this food item "more fun" will incur greater penalties.

Courtesy of the St. Mary's School Cookery Book, compiled for the Duke of Edinburgh Award. Thanks to Taxloss for the gift which is now book 3 in my collection of incredulous recipe books.


Fizzwhizz said...

Films I would like to see made:

Honey, I Know What You Shrunk Last Summer
CSI: The Movie
Ocean's 11 – the Shirtless Edition
Alien vs Godzilla
America's Next Top Movie
Police Academy 15*
Renee Zellweger's Die Hard
Wonder Woman (this one's actually happening folks, produced by Joss Whedon with Angelina Jolie favourite for the title role!)
Eternal Sunshine of the Dirty Mind

(*OK I'm joking about this one)

porn * said...

I used to have hundreds and thousands bread at my birthday parties when I was little. No word of a lie. Even better than that though was the toastie we used to make in sixth form in the sandwich maker. Take two slices of white bread. Slather with industrial-size bog-standard margarine. Coat thickly with white cane sugar. Toast. Consume. It is a wnoder we were not all clinicaly obese.

Planethalder said...

Oh boy, this also sounds yummy to me and reminds me of my favourite childhood treat given to me by my naughty childminder: white buttered toast with lots of butter and white sugar on top.

Fizzwhizz said...

You lucky bastards. In my house, we weren't allowed butter on our toast and we had to have skimmed milk too. Also, if someone gave us some sweets, we were only allowed to have one at a time, after meals - two if it was a special occasion.

It was all part of my mother's bizarre notion of healthy eating - we might have had to put our jam straight on the toast with no butter or margarine to mediate twixt the two (and when she was in her home-made brown bread/brick phase, this was quite a trial, believe me) but we did get stodgy, old-fashioned puddings after every meal.

Of course, I used to steal money out of her handbag and spend it on Slush Puppies and Flying Saucers anyway. And I used to steal sweets out of the cupboard. So it's a good thing I went to university or I might have fulfilled this early training for a life of crime.

And although I have grown up with a dislike of full-cream milk, which tastes too cheesy for my skimmed-raised palate, I will never, ever, on pain of death, drink skimmed milk or eat Marmite on toast without butter (I mean, really!) ever again in my life, ever. So don't ask me to.