"I heard that Hitler had been sent a poisoned carpet because there was a rumour that he 'chewed carpet' when he was angry."My boss, dropping an anecdote into a plot to pre-empt saboteurs of our project via sabotage. Of a sort.
My Bro makes a confession: "I don’t like cats in fedoras. I hate cats wearing hats with a feather in them. They make me…scared."
My Mother, gracing her usual slot on this blog with soundclips from her day to day life, has something to say about the benefits of lying: "Well, I thought it would be awful to leave it at that, telling her I thought her granddaughter looked really thin and lanky. So I said – but she has such sparkling, lively eyes! I couldn’t tell her I actually think her granddaughter looks like a diseased, dying monkey."
My Sis in France responding to a request for French tights to be sent over to me: "Will keep an eye out or two for funky tights but honestly don't know how you can wear them. Something about the unattractive crotch area puts me off."
My father, presenting yet another delicious dish to the table: "What do you think this is? Go on, have a guess. You think it's abalone, right? It's just like abalone, yes? Well, it's not! Ha! Haha! It's actually an enormous mushroom that I've cooked and presented so it is looks like abalone, it tastes like abalone, it feels like abalone - but it isn't actually abalone. Good, isn't it? It's a mushroom! It's just one big mushroom! In a tin! Great!"
Me, while looking at pictures of Prince William playing water polo: "Okay, you can laugh, I don’t mind, but please say yes or no: is water polo played on horses?"