"...Did you ride his throbbing man-prong until the stars burst behind your eyes?"

Oh, this is still so much fun. Feel free to use the comments section below to add to our growing compendium of drooling soft-focus Channel Five quality sensuous commentary. However, "man-milk" and "gloopy, irridescent baby-batter" are now deemed over-used, so please avoid if possible. With thanks to August Dangerlove for the filthy man-prong and the countless other naughty words and phrases - have a pickled egg for your troubles.

BTW, to whoever changed my comments link below to read "poseurs" - fuck off. And also thank you: as enetation seems to be having a good run at the moment (though I've probably jinxed it to crash and burn all year by typing this), you've given me lots of ideas as to how to customise my comments link. Whoever you are ( and I think I know who it is *cough*BigBrother*cough*), you've inspired more inventive ways to vent my time-wasting brain dribble. Which, if it is the person I think it is, was completely not your point. Oh, I do enjoy irony, don't you?

"...Did you let his hairy man globes trail over your quivering girlish thighs? Did he pour his special man-milk all over you in your mutual passion?"

Well, I'm back online at last. The countryside was very nice (very wet and cold too but apparently that's... natural) and after a week in our adorable little cottage, I feel very rested and refreshed. We walked alot, investigated strange bloated dead animals on the roadside, had meals together like a family, played card games, board games, watched Withnail and Ias city-dwellers are obliged to do when they find themselves in the woods, got caught in the rain and had a party for New Year's Eve. And at this party, we had...

Guests who came to see us especially. Aw. We love you guys.

An endless stream of freshly made potato wedges and dip (courtesy of me and my innate clucky Chinese mother genes, "You all gotta eat! Eat!")

Flashing boobies at the fireworks over Reading across the fields at midnight

Jammed phone networks, inevitably.

Photos of certain people sprawled across certain cars in our drive. Did he park it in the right driveway, darling? Did you give his gearstick a good wiggle?

Unexpected and unsavoury couplings in the living room which have spawned an endless stream of soft-porn commentary.

An endless stream of tears in the kitchen and several hallways as is obligatory on New Year's Eve.

An endless stream of vomit (from me sometime in the morning. "Potato wedges will soak up the worst of the alcohol! You'll feel better for eating something!" Oh, really?)

A sharpened leek stored in the freezer to be used as a murder weapon later (no, I didn't get that one either)

An endless stream of taxis taking people away in the morning, into the start of 2003.

It was grand. But it's good to be back. Pictures to come. ::evil, evil plans of blackmail and mockery brewing:: Muahahahahah!