"I heard that Hitler had been sent a poisoned carpet because there was a rumour that he 'chewed carpet' when he was angry."

My boss, dropping an anecdote into a plot to pre-empt saboteurs of our project via sabotage. Of a sort.

My Bro makes a confession: "I don’t like cats in fedoras. I hate cats wearing hats with a feather in them. They make me…scared."

My Mother, gracing her usual slot on this blog with soundclips from her day to day life, has something to say about the benefits of lying: "Well, I thought it would be awful to leave it at that, telling her I thought her granddaughter looked really thin and lanky. So I said – but she has such sparkling, lively eyes! I couldn’t tell her I actually think her granddaughter looks like a diseased, dying monkey."

My Sis in France responding to a request for French tights to be sent over to me: "Will keep an eye out or two for funky tights but honestly don't know how you can wear them. Something about the unattractive crotch area puts me off."

My father, presenting yet another delicious dish to the table: "What do you think this is? Go on, have a guess. You think it's abalone, right? It's just like abalone, yes? Well, it's not! Ha! Haha! It's actually an enormous mushroom that I've cooked and presented so it is looks like abalone, it tastes like abalone, it feels like abalone - but it isn't actually abalone. Good, isn't it? It's a mushroom! It's just one big mushroom! In a tin! Great!"

Me, while looking at pictures of Prince William playing water polo: "Okay, you can laugh, I don’t mind, but please say yes or no: is water polo played on horses?"

"Who you gonna call? Topcat!"

Watched Donnie Darkolast night and yes, yes, I know: everyone has seen it already, ages ago, etc etc. I was wowed by it, Taxloss less so - but then he has read considerably less of Neil Gaiman's output which made me appreciate the film that little bit more. It's an experience that is quite similar to reading a graphic novel, with the viewer / reader trying to maintain a grip on the text and graphics and the multitude of things communicated by both… I suppose all film is like this, but in Donnie Darko with all its back and forth references, its narrative at odds with its visuals and the general sense of looping in and over itself like a Mobius strip, it's particularly relevant and satisfying. I've just been all over the website and am really, really impressed - not at all like the heartless promotional bollocks a lot of other websites-of-the-film drum up but like an epilogue or Guide to Donnie Darko document. Nice.

Also nice, and also staying on the topic of films, Ghostbusters was marvellous last Saturday. It was the first time the cabaret gang had applied their act to this blockbuster film of the 80s and the bloke leading the callbacks and general mayhem of Rocky Horror was actually performing for this event as Bill Murray so it was up to me, Taxloss, Boatie Flatmate, Sundried and Fizzwhizz to enforce the booing and shouting at the screen throughout. It was a dirty job (seriously, it was; shaving foam and silly string and popcorn everywhere) but someone had to do it. Amusing "ghost" puppets, men in boiler suits with cans of silly string, clever improvisations involving hastily made-up props "flying" around, a cartwheeling Zool and furry gloved Hell Hounds abounded. The re-enactment of the marshmallow monster wallowing around between the aisles was especially hilarious.

There were a surprising amount of kids around, some who were watching this film for the first time - !!!! Bloody hell. I watched it at least once a year every year until I was 10 and it was bit retro even then… It meant there was no pre-film event in the bar and swearing was not encouraged (though of course, we potty-mouths obliviously chanted **** and **** throughout until someone spotted a distinctly below 12 years old face swing round to frown at us…) We were out in the lobby picking popcorn off our clothes and our ears ringing from the shrieking by 9.30pm and the ever-energetic, even in the face of food poisoning and a 120 hour working week Lucifer was there to start the cleaning process. We toasted him in the pub afterwards for his generosity and vowed to come back for more.

In other news, it is my birthday this weekend. That is all.

"I'm happiest when I've got something in my mouth. Usually food."

Has anyone else noticed the similarity in appearance of my three favourite foods: bento, dim sum, and baklava? Can anyone else add foodstuffs of a similar look to this list? I'm compiling a fantasy dinner menu wherein everything is bitesize - BUT miniature versions of existing food stuffs things don't count (ie. mini-sausage rolls, mini-Kievs, mini-Scotch eggs... bleeurgghhh).

Devukha - how big are those Polish dumplings you keep promising me? Could these be added to the table?

And does anyone know of ancient foods (Roman, Ancient Egyptian etc) and / or indigenous foods that could become part of the meal?

Ah. Food. I'd die without. No, seriously: I would.

"Lists and Tupperware. They’re like my left and right hands. Really. It’s like that."

Days: 3 – Friday 16 to Sunday 19 April

Proper meals: 5

Places of origin of meals: Hong Kong / China, Lebanon, France, Dorset, Sainsburys

Smoked: Hand-rolled cigarettes, strawberry shisha (aka hookah, hubbly-bubbly, Arabian pipe of the type the caterpillar smokes in Alice in Wonderland)

Belly dancing: none (though gleefully anticipated)

Times skirt blown overhead in Edgware Road on Saturday night: 7

Super-strong thimble-sized Lebanese coffees (with extra Evil): 2

Baklava: 1 and a half

Time estimated to cook Sunday roast, in total: 1 hour 20 minutes

Time in reality needed to cook Sunday roast: 2 hours 15 minutes plus extra shouting at the potatoes

Hugs: 57 (mainly Taxloss)

Friends met and spent Quality Time with: 5

Series of The Office watched with mouth open, in dressing gown, on sofa: 1 and 2

Fun: super-size

Question: Who can come to my birthday bash on Saturday 1st May?

Question 2: Can I be any happier than I am at the moment?

"Dam virgin no more!"

I built my first ever dam on the beach! I had my own spade and my feet got wet and I built channels and created deltas and diverted water away or into specific pools... effing brilliant fun. Now there's only

1)owning a medium size dog and taking it for long walks,
2) climbing a stile correctly,
3) setting fire to something in a field and
4) climbing a tree

to cross off my list of What I Never Managed to Do as a Child Growing Up in the City. I'm quite keen to learn how to identify birdsongs too but I suspect that isn't common to all kids with a semi-rural childhood - or is it? I only learned how to ride a bike when I was 19. I don't know anything about anything.

What a weekend I had with the Taxloss clan in the English Riviera: I had my fill of adorable small children, lovely dogs, second hand books, dam building, strolling about, fossils and chocolate eggs. A truly fabulous time and I'm really not in the mood to sit at my desk prodding keys like a machine in order to update the database.

I wish I was back at the amusing B and B . The cobb. Outside the big house and enjoying the view from the front door. The view from the end of the cobb, looking back on the charming magical place I want to see again.

Dam.

And damn; how long before we go back?