"A woman is like a tea bag--only in hot water do you realize how strong she is." - Nancy Reagan (The Observer, 1981)

Good thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: I had tea with Mother and Grandma Taxloss and had a happy afternoon eating homemade chocolate cake and discussing the wedding with these two lovely ladies.

Bad thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: On the same evening I went home and fiddled about with my broadband connection and managed to totally screw my computer. It took my bro most of the next day to sort it out while I sat around the flat in a foul temper. Thanks bro - look! I'm updating my blog! You're a genius - you fixed it!

Good thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: My wireless broadband kit has arrived!

Bad thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: My life has been taken over by this. I'm looking forward to it, but believe me, it has been a hard and tough journey to getting everything done. Anyone who is in the area on Friday night MUST come to see the open air performances - it's a going to be a cracking afternoon. It had better be after all the collective grief it has put us through.

Good thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: I have discovered for myself how fantastic this stuff is. Fizzwhizz was right: nummynummy and I felt virtuous and saintly after having half a pack for lunch today with salad without dressing instead of comfort-eating some sort of bacon and avocado sandwich in fancy-schmancy bread and artery-hardening French mayo.

Bad thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: I have eaten an entire family size bag of onion rings by myself over the last two evenings in front of Eastenders and I am currently dehydrated and have orange fingers. (I can't escape the need to comfort-eat at the moment but once this is all over, I swear I am never going shop at Tesco while starving and miserable and only ten minutes away from my favourite grotty soap opera. I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that I was compensating for missing the episode last week when a helter-skelter fairground twirly slide fell down and crushed several cast members in what I suspect was a series of shoddy special effects. So there.)

Good thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: I'm still going to marry Taxloss. Which is rather nice, actually.

An extra-good thing that has happened since I last updated this blog: I was given this as well as technical support by my bro and am considering a Pingu theme for our big bash (whenever it may happen). Taxloss has already ruled out sending invitations written in invisible ink and has specified that though I may choose my own engagement ring, I cannot have The One Ring ("but they're giving them away at Mordor Saturday morning fruit, veg and antiques market! Half price on all Sauron-era jewellery - it would be a bargain!") so if I can have green penguins at any point, I shall be placated if not happy.

And Former Flatmate B is now Doctor Former Flatmate B, my line manager has a new baby daughter in his family, we're getting a new sofa which is also a handy sofa bed, I have just encountered Flashman in Tom Brown's Schooldays and think him a simply ripping type of bounder and cad and I love him and... well, though I have been doing a lot of complaining recently, I suppose there's really not that much to complain about really.

How are all of you?

"What's in that old coffee jar?"
"Sake. Get it while it's hot!"
"..."
"Why is everything in this house served out of an old coffee jar?"

Now that is how a weekend should be spent and much thanks to my future hubbie for teaching me the way of the Loafer - I learned from the best! After a splendid evening in North London with G & L and the three and a half year old golden haired moppet L2, I had a deep and satisfying sleep late into Saturday morning which unfortunately meant Taxloss had the same and missed his train to his folks. He was gone in double-quick time however and I slept on, then had a leisurely coffee with Boatie Flatmate, a stroll around the market together and then a long and enjoyable afternoon in the library.

Current reading list:
The Gothic Short Stories of the Marquis de Sade
Tom Brown's Schooldays
The Tough Guide to Fantasyland (a satirical guidebook to the genre by Diana Wynne Jones)
Death (the J-pop cutesy manga spin-off comic book to Neil Gaiman's Sandman collection - as weird and wonderful as it sounds)

Current CD list:
The Penguin Cafe Orchestra - Broadcasting from Home
John Parish and PJ Harvey - Dance Hall at Louse Point
Philip Glass and Fodoy Sousa - Music from The Screens

Current video list:
Memento
Swan Lake by Adventures in Motion Pictures (the alternative all-male swan lake - yummy)
Malcolm in the Middle

There. That should keep me going for a while. Or at least until Taxloss returns and I can spend my time pestering him for sweets instead.

And today - a proper Sunday with a dim sum lunch with my folks and then tea and tiny thimbles of hot sake at the flat and a quiet smiley chat about wedding plans with my Ma (the in-laws have yet to meet...) and a presentation of fancy whisky to Pa because it's Father's Day and...

.. my Ma has just burst in brimming with indignation and some shopping shrieking about the brat that just blocked her way back up the stairs.

Ma: $%^*"((£!!!!!! So young and so rude already! If I see her again, and she blocks my way again like that, I will hit her. I will HIT HER! A damn five year old trying to duff up a 60 plus old woman like me! How dare she? I will throw her down the stairs if I have to! Does she think she can pick on me? Does she think I won't react? I'll react! I'll show her! Grrrrrr! [shakes bag of potatoes violently] I got a cauliflower for dinner! Here, [slams package of individual Mr Kipling apple pies on table] you take these home! They were on offer - they are nice! Ooh, I'm just furious now - that little brat! And take these pears too! Grrr!

Wow. Now that is evidence that you should never literally cross my mother.

Hope all of you have had good weekends - what did y'all get up to?

"Let's just order a pizza..."

That's not an option at a traditional Chinese wedding. Remember: it's not a proper wedding unless everyone has been forced to take home at least 5 foil boxes of surplus food each even though they have eaten so much already, blinking begins to hurt. Oh dear. I can feel the cultural clash coming upon us even before we've set a date.

It's important to observe certain Chinese traditions, I don't feel comfortable looking forward to the ceremony, the Big Day etc without thinking of certain things - my sister did it all marvellously at her wedding last year, with a wonderful tea ceremony and a totally unforced combination of East and West. I wonder how well Taxloss and I will manage it. I don't think he knows about the obligatory limbo dance contest he must take at the altar. Or the two live snakes he has to swallow to earn my parents blessing the day before. And orange / lime green tartan is the traditional dress for the groom...

While looking up these links, I found this and though I was going to make some amusing quips about it here, I had a closer look and felt it was completely and utterly inappropriate to do so. Look at these women. There's more to this site than just lonely hearts looking for love. This is trade. This is consumerism at its lowest and sickest. Bah. Jokes about mail order brides and so on I do find amusing but when I think about the lives these women lead once snapped up... it's just too awful.

On a happier note: Fizzwhizz has started her Older Gods series to complement her Older Goddesses series which has been immensely enjoyable so far. Woo! Jeremy Irons Jeremy Irons Jeremy Irons Jeremy Irons...

" '' ' ''' ''''' '' '' "

You are Woodstock!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
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Whee! That, amongst other things that have happened recently, has made me extremely happy - I always loved Woodstock and the loopy, twittery appearances he / she made in the strip (what gender is the little yellow bird?)

Thanks to everyone who congratulated me and Taxloss on our engagement - we're so happy you're happy! More news to come, of course...

A Joint Announcement From Taxloss and Hypatia.
Taxloss: It’s our fifth anniversary today, and so I arranged to take Hypatia for a spin on the London Eye.

Hypatia: I’ve never been on the London Eye before, and was really looking forward to it.

T: I, however, had concealed intentions.

H: I thought as much.

T: So, when we reached the top …

H: … I said “oh look, we’re at the very top”.

T: And I got down on one knee and asked Hyp to marry me.

H: And I said yes.

T&H: Just thought you’d like to know.

T: Buy your hats now.

H: Holy crap, Batman! To the chapel!

"...W ... A... ? ... K ... E ... R... Can you finish this word? Press the correct letter."

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
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As I always suspected.

Of course, now I am connected at home as well as at work, I have found new and enlightening things with which to pass my time. And eventually YOUR time, when the brian drool seeps through to this blog and your reading pleasure.

In other news, it is very, very, very, very hot in London at the moment and I am seriously contemplating swimming home along the Thames as even thinking about getting on the Tube in this heat is bringing me out in a nasty, prickly heat rash. Ugh. Sweaty.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"

I'm writing up this post... via broadband!

Huzzah!

Strike up the band!

Wake up the dancing girls!

Uncork the baby oil!

After an entire year of being offline at home and therefore dependent on internet cafes and my PC at work, I'm back online. And this time, I mean to be wireless.

Yes, the next step is to get the rest of the flat online and then set up a wireless network - because... well, because we can. Side note to my brother, in case you are reading this: I've just found the network card slot on my laptop. Yes, yes, it was there all along, I'm a twat and I was wrong about it having an inbuilt network card, feel free to mock me mercilessly next time we meet...

Even if this brings on a relapse of the migraine I had this afternoon, I'm surfing til I pass out. (Though this isn't necessarily true: I'd rather pass out comfortably in bed next to the gently snoring Taxloss and I think I will stop before another migraine comes on - I'd forgotten how awful they can be since it's almost a year since my last one but I was so knocked out by it, I had to lie down under the meeting room table moaning softly to myself, waiting for my vision to return to normal before I could go home. I heroically made some important calls before getting a cab back which nearly killed me. And I missed out on the Friday doughnuts. Not the best Friday afternoon I've had so far...)

I'm off to sample the delights of a high-speed internet connection at home such as:


I am a giant mutant kitten. Not strange at all.


Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
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Ah. The internet. It has the answer to everything.

And then I did this and then I did that and then I was sick and we went home and it was great."

Things that have happened recently:
I have started to plan a book club with two extremely classy and clever university friends and we’re looking forward to a monthly session of intelligent, erudite conversation and the selection of books extending to poetry, plays and hopefully even graphic novels and less conventional literary forms.

I saw Troy with my Mama and we both enjoyed (more than we expected) the oiled beefcakes in leather skirts with swords extravaganza. It’s a cross between Gladiator, Lord of the Rings and Jason and the Argonauts, quite harmless and surprisingly inoffensive with some cracking one-on-one fight scenes and extremely large scale, messy and brutal battle scenes. I tried to watch Return of the King at home the same evening but then fell asleep, woke up confused and had to stop watching as I couldn’t remember which film I was watching at the time. Yeah, there aren’t any Orcs in ancient Greece but that Orlando Bloom and perpetual-supporting-actor-who-often-gets-killed-early-on-in-the-movie Sean Bean do repeat on a person a bit.

It’s my Papa’s birthday today and he has reached a most auspicious and venerable age. Much rejoicing with dimsum and this book (a Chinese language edition, located by my ever resourceful brother) has been had.

I’ve been doing more writing and obsessively cleaning my home over the Bank Holiday weekend in lieu of any quality DIY.

My modem has arrived and I shall be setting up broadband for my self and eventually the entire flat! It’s the first step towards my much-fantasised wireless home network. My toes are wiggling with excitement even as I type it up…

I’m hungover for the first time since Boatie Flatmate’s absinthe and gut-rot birthday overload. And I’ve got a whole afternoon of unpacking tables and stacking chairs ahead of me. Nice. I’m hungover today because I had an evening that involved this and an almost perfect re-enactment of the night wherein this and this occurred – exactly a year and a month later.

Plenty of other things have happened, and some of these don’t actually involve me but read the top of this entry and from the outset, it’s clear this blog just aint gonna be an outward looking one. At least I can spell.

Next update will come to you via broadband! (Hopefully…)